L o b a B l a n c a {dot} c o m

You make me sick. Your entire havoc-inducing, thieving, whoring generation disgusts me.

Thank you, Principal Himbry, for that rousing diatribe against my beloved Generation X. Yes, this is my generation. And, no, I don’t think we’re an entirely bad generation. In fact, we’ve done some pretty cool things during our time on this planet.

But I come not to praise Gen-X, but to bury it…in my personal seething frustration. And I’m dragging you all down with me. What’s got me all in a frothy lather now? The Travel Channel’s show Man v. Food.

Hey, you've got a little something on your...oh, never mind.

The “Man” in question is Adam Richman. His modus operandi is to travel to different regions of the country, highlighting their culinary delights and downfalls as he goes. Then he accepts whatever ridiculously indulgent “food challenge” that said region has to offer. Past challenges have included attempting to consume in one (sometimes timed) sitting:

• One 72-ounce steak.
• One 7-1/2-pound hamburger.
• Five 24-ounce milkshakes.
• One 7-pound breakfast burrito.
• One meter-long bratwurst.

Now I’m not ever going to be mistaken for a highly religious wolf…but I do believe that gluttony is a sin. Especially when all around the world there are people starving to death who would be happy with a sliver of the food that Richman gorges on during each show. Hell, there are people right in our own freedom fry-loving U.S. of A. who are starving (oh, but don’t even get me on the topic of these waify little glamor girl tumbleweeds starving themselves on purpose and looking so frail that you just want to scream at them to eat a freakin’ pie, but you’re afraid the impact of the scream would snap them in two). Meanwhile, Mr. Richman is paid to regularly glut himself to the point of vomiting.

This show disgusts me in ways that I didn’t think were possible anymore. We’re so fat in this country that they have to make special extra-wide coffins for us. Do we really need shows like this? And is this the only way we can remain competitive with the rest of the world? Yeah, you might be home to more Nobel Prize winners, world-renowned scientists, and brainiac children, but we’ve got this dude who can eat a plateful of food that weighs more than a baby seal! USA! USA!

Give me a break. And people are defending this show, saying things like it’s our right as Americans to eat this way. Yes, for those of you unfamiliar with our Constitution, nestled between our right to trial by jury in civil cases and our right not to be cruelly or unusually punished is clearly stated our right to be obnoxious, fat nationalists. In your face, Queen Lizzy!

Sigh. Will this become another regular feature here at the lair: a semi-regular evisceration of all the things that bring down the overall cool factor of being a member of Gen-X? Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve just been in a particularly snarky mood the past couple of days, for no particular reason. And this post has been stewing for a few days. Feels good to finally get it out of my system. See? Blog of Dorian Gray, Redux!

So, dipping into the Angry Blogger^TM topic files, I still receive e-mails from the GOP at my junk e-mail account. Said e-mails are still addressed to my father. Said e-mails still both amuse and unnerve me (kind of like the GOP in general). The e-mails are punctuated by catty swipes at all the big Donkey names: Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Frank. They each contain some puerile jab like “Ultraliberal,” “Leftist Radical,” or “Kitten Crusher.” Almost all the messages harp on the national deficit (but strangely fail to mention the name of the president responsible for plunging us into said deficit).

Each message is “signed” by Michael Steele, current RNC chair, former lieutenant governor of Maryland, and eternal douche bag. I love how he is so gung-ho for his party now. Funny how he did everything short of actually switch parties when he ran for the U.S. Senate a few years ago. Funnier how he lost. The messages also always end with a plea for donations to the RNC. Let me get my checkbook now!

To your right you will see a particularly amusing graphic from one of these e-mails. The graphic comes from an e-mail decrying outrage over Arlen Specter’s switch to the Democratic party. It rebukes Specter for:

[peddling] his services—and his vote—to the leftist Obama Democrats who aim to remake America with their leftist plan.

It then goes to compare Specter’s defection to Benedict Arnold’s defection to the British, and compares the GOP to George Washington. Oh, and it asks my father twice for a donation (because outrage costs money!). Actually, it asks for money three times if you count the fact that this graphic also links to the GOP’s secure donation page.

And we wonder why nothing really substantive ever gets done anymore. It’s because hyperbole and fundraising are more important than anything else. And it’s not just the GOP that is guilty of this. My party does it just as much. I’m just picking on the GOP because…well, hell, if you’re going to e-mail me your crappy messages and think that I’m my father, you’re just begging for a blog skewer every now and again. And truth be told, I don’t receive DNC messages anymore. I got tired of reading all about the hyperbole and fundraising. You want money from me? Do something to earn it.