L o b a B l a n c a {dot} c o m

Get Psyched!

Deep in that dusty corner of my mental filing system, where childhood memories are shuffled off to be archived by those few working brain cells I haven’t saturated with Captain Morgan, there resides a special place for today’s selection: Wolfenstein 3D.

This was not only the first FPS that I ever played, but it was my first PC game as well (not counting my Texas Instrument days). I remember well the 5-1/4-inch floppy that contained the shareware version of the first episode (or was it freeware?). I never played more than this episode, so I never got to take on Hitler himself. But the first episode was satisfying enough, especially when playing in “Death Incarnate” mode. This was also probably the only FPS I ever played without the aid of any cheat codes. Guess that’s why it took me so long (damn the Internet for not being there for me when I needed it!).

I distinctly remember the terror of leading our hero, “B.J.” Blazkowicz, into his encounter with the first episode’s final boss (I later learned that his name is Hans Grosse). I knew something bad was coming when I entered the antechamber and there was nothing more than ammo and med kits. And then I opened the final door and that ginormous Nazi mo-fo came roaring out…I have no shame in admitting that I was shaking by the time I finished that level. That surge of adrenaline was just overwhelming. And addictive. This game set me on the path of pixelated destruction and I’ve been carving up bosses with spiked gauntlets, dragon claws, chainsaws, and BFGs ever since.

I should acknowledge that I do understand that this game trivializes in many ways what the Nazis did during World War II. Yes, it makes them the villains, and yes, you increase your score by blasting them out of existence. But the history behind the inspiration for Wolfenstein most definitely isn’t a game or something to be taken lightly. In fact, the game was banned in Germany where it remains a federal offense to display swastikas or other Nazi propaganda. Since this game is not only littered with swastikas but also uses as part of its soundtrack a MIDI version of the “Horst-Wessel-Lied,” the anthem of the Nazi party, it’s understandable why this would be a verboten game in Deutschland.

As is always the case with classic games, they have given B.J. and his Nazi enemies several sequels and snazzy updates, trying to keep up with ever-improving graphics capabilities. In fact, in July of this year, Blazkowicz will be given a 21st century revamp for PCs, XBox 360, and Playstation 3. I’m a little reticent about this. I’ve played some of the other updates to games I loved to play “back in the day,” and they left me feeling a little empty. I don’t really know how else to explain it. True, they looked spectacular…but I think the glossiness of the look deadened the awesomeness of the feel. Does that make sense?

Anyway, you can check out the new game at the official Wolfenstein Web site. The screen captures look interesting, even if a bit much. Call me a simple wolf, but sometimes less is more. Looking at these shots makes me reminiscent for the pixel-rough simplicity of that original castle, with its turquoise doors and cheesy MIDI music. So I leave you with the following YouTube video of beating the big boss from the first episode. Made me smile when I realized that I remembered this final level perfectly as I watched this clip. Guess Captain Morgan hasn’t taken me down just yet…

Your carma will catch up with you one day...

I used to love running over people with my car. In this game only, of course. I’d never do that in real life (at least not anymore; bodies leave unsightly dents on your hood). I mean, I really loved it. So it was inevitable that Carmageddon 3 would become one of my favorite racing games.

Strangely enough, though, I never really played the actual game. I just ran over people. In that regard, I would definitely consider the Carmageddon series to be a predecessor to the Grand Theft Auto series, in that you could enter the game world and just drive around, not following the set rules—just splatting people flat with your car. I’m saying this all, of course, based on the third of the series; the others might have been different. But if they were, then the others sucked.

Now, keep in mind that I’ve lived in the D.C. area all my life. I learned to drive here. I suffer traffuck here on a daily basis. I am, by my own admission, a very aggressive driver. Never dangerously so; I don’t weave sporadically through traffic, cutting people off in ways that could cause a major accident. I consider that type of driving to be offensive anyway. Driving should not be a frantic fumbling. It should be fluid undulation of faster and slower, back and forth, in and out…seamless weaving timed to an almost sensuous rhythm.

Wait. Where was I? Oh, yeah. I’m not dangerous aggressive. I do, however, find myself succumbing to much wailing and gnashing of teeth when I’m trapped on the Beltway in whatever daily cluster fuck back-up happens to be occurring during my commute. This kind of frustration must be properly channeled. Channeled on the road is very dangerous. Channeled through a steering wheel joystick and a game where you earn points for running over pedestrians? That’s just bloody fun. Literally. I can’t tell you anything more about this game beyond the fact that I spent a lot of time running over pedestrians.

You can even run over farm animals in this game. I remember exploding sheep (or was that a screen saver I used to have?).

And all of it was set to a throbbing electronica soundtrack that included such classics as “Diet Coke Overdose,” “Night Time Madmen,” and my personal favorite, “Hands Up.” I recently burned the entire Carmageddon 3 soundtrack to my iPod, but this last song is probably one that I should avoid listening to while driving. I think the last thing that people on the Beltway want is me roaring up behind them in my car, blasting a song that has the repeated line of “Hands up! Hands up! Who wants to die?”

All this sounds so very demented, doesn’t it? I haven’t played Carmageddon 3 in a long time. It’s been at least since I switched to Windows XP and the company that sold my steering wheel joystick refused to create a patch for that operating system. Bastards. Maybe I should fire it up again and see if it still captivates me like it once did…or has Vice City ruined me forever to these simpler pixelated pleasures?

And on that note, I kick off this new feature, sort of like Flashback Friday…but not really. Gaming Glory will be an every now and then reminiscing on my part about those horribly violent, horribly addicting video games that I played for far more time than could ever be considered healthy. It’s like the fun just never starts here at the lair.

The hunt continues...

Wow. Someone out there loved Hunt the Wumpus so much that they recreated it in Java. I’ve played it a couple of times so far, and it’s pretty spot-on to the original game play, but with much better graphics. Very nice!

There’s something so comforting about seeing a remake that actually does the original justice. Perhaps Hollywood could take a page from Dreamcodex’s game book and stop with the craptastic remakes! Yeah, that’ll happen.

Looks like they also did a remake of Munchman, but I haven’t checked this one out yet. Apparently, you have to download something and install it. I push the boundaries quite a bit at work, but I think I’ll sidestep this one

I think I might also start talking about video games a bit more often here. I used to be quite the gamer. I’m still playing, thanks to a more than generous gift of an Xbox 360 for my last birthday. I’m nowhere near the obsessed game play levels that I used to be at, but I’m still in the game, haha.

Perhaps my next gaming entry will be all about finally playing my very first game from a long-standing franchise. Hmm, whatever could that be?