L o b a B l a n c a {dot} c o m

Techie Trekkie Tweeters know one inevitable truth regarding Jeri Ryan’s own tweetaholic condition: Resistance is futile.

It’s true! Our favorite former freelance Borg has a bit of an addiction when it comes to Twitter. She’s even admitted to being late to interviews because she was swept up in tweetapalooza moments.

I know it’s silly, but I find this just makes Ms. Ryan even more endearing. How do you not love the strange serendipity of the actress who once played a disconnected Borg now being unable to disconnect herself from this crazy 140-character Collective? Life does, indeed, imitate art sometimes.

Therefore, I give you the latest PhotoShop Trickery, inspired by Jeri Ryan and her fantabulous Twitter shenanigans:

7 of 9's recurring nightmare

New comic book T-shirt, denizens (and lots of freckles as well)!

I still love my Wonder-ful T-shirt, but I simply couldn’t resist finally getting my hands on a shirt with the Batwoman shield on it. As for the idea behind the pose, I thought it would be a clever thing to spoof one of my favorite Dr. Suess book titles while continuing my silly desire to never completely show my face here at the lair. One day, denizens. One day…

Foregoing Flashback Friday today, denizens. Not in a nostalgic mood at the moment. Besides, I got the seed of a kooky idea the other day that just wouldn’t go away…so I decided to make it happen in the only way I know how—PhotoShop it!

So, did you know that Jorja Fox once played a vampire in a really cheesy-awesome made-for-television movie called House of Frankenstein 1997? It was something done by NBC (who is owned by Universal, house of all the big horror movie monsters back in the day) and includes vampires, werewolves, and Frankenstein’s monster. It’s not available on DVD or video…but I’m sure that if you know where to look, you might be able to find it somewhere to watch. Also, since SyFy is owned by Universal, this movie usually tends to appear around Halloween.

Anyway, I learned more about this movie through Jorja Fox: Online (which is quite an impressive fan-run site) and even found some screen caps of Fox’s scene-fanging moments as Felicity the Campy Vampire. And that’s when the idea started to grow. It’s what happens when the chocolate and peanut butter of all the crazy genre ideas in my brain start to swirl together. So CSI started to combine with vampire flicks…one thing led to another…and then it happened…

Sara Sidle as a crime scene investigating vampire? I don’t know about you, but I’d tune in. Every show. Maybe I should pitch this as a new spin-off. Something to inject a little fresh blood (heh) into the CSI franchise. Besides, we need something to take back the night for respectable (read: non-sparkly) vampires.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled geekery. Flashback Friday will return…but Photo Fun Friday might sneak back in every now and again. Hope you all don’t mind.

Indulge me in a moment, will you, denizens?

(As if you don’t do that all the time already…)

So you remember on Star Trek: The Next Generation, when Captain Picard would get up from his command chair and walk toward the viewscreen when he was confronting the person with whom he was exchanging terse Federation-sanctioned “don’t make me kick your alien ass across this quadrant” words? He’d usually come to a stop somewhere in between the command center and the Ops and Conn positions and, if a show of might was necessary, he’d turn around and look up to Lieutenant Worf, right? Right.

Imagine, in this scenario that I was Captain Picard and the Court Yard Hounds were Worf. A much more attractive, better-coifed, far less addicted to prune juice version, of course. That’s how close I was to Emily and Martie last night.

Wait for it…wait…

SQUEE!!!!

I don’t get giddy girl apoplectic over music that often anymore. In fact, there’s only a handful of musicians I like enough to want to actually see live. The Dixie Chicks have always been very high on that list. I know, I said once upon a time that I was through with country music. But the Dixie Chicks are just…the Dixie Chicks. Somehow, they succeeded in transcending the jingoistic hurdle that country music became for me. They’re passionate, opinionated, and talented. Plus, they’re just so darned cute.

But this isn’t a post about the Dixie Chicks! It’s about releasing the Hounds last night. Actually, I’ve talked about the Court Yard Hounds before. Apparently, Natalie Maines still isn’t ready to return to the Chicks, so sisters Emily and Martie continue to make a go of it on their own. Last night, they rolled into town and took over the 6th and I Synagogue. Yep, that’s right: Bluegrass on a Bimah. You really haven’t lived until you’ve experienced such an event.

After listening to their debut CD many times and seeing them live twice now, I have to say I really do love the Court Yard Hounds. They give off a progressive adult vibe that’s flavored generously with country spice and bluegrass zing. Emily’s voice is surprisingly strong and (to me, at least) sounds almost identical to Sheryl Crow at times. That’s never a bad comparison, in my book. Last night, we also were treated to hearing Martie take the lead on a few songs. Here’s photo proof of that:

Martie has an equally lovely voice, but she didn’t seem as comfortable with taking the vocal lead as Emily does. However, when you can play the fiddle like she can, you’re okay without singing. More than okay. In fact, one of my favorite shots from last night is this one of Martie playing her fiddle:

It’s a little too blurry for my liking (it was difficult getting good shots without using my flash, which I didn’t want to do; nothing says “I love your music!” quite like blinding the musicians on stage, right?), but really the blurriness kind of adds to the frenetic aesthetic of her fiddle and bow when she’s in the zone. And look at that Cheshire Cat grin she’s got! Actually, Emily got almost the same look on her face whenever she was in her “Banjo Zone”:

Must be something about those Bluegrass Girls that we city folk just don’t understand. Whatever it is, though, I’m addicted.

We heard you wanted to report a 459…burglary. What’s missing? Milk and cookies, you say? Oh, that’s all right. That was just ole St. Nick, making his annual rounds. Other than the milk and cookies, I bet he didn’t take anything, right? Bet he even left something behind…that’s his MO, you know. We’ve been processing his scenes for years.

We’ll go ahead and send over our best CSI (Christmas Scene Investigator, of course), Santa Sidle. She can be a little rough around the edges sometimes, but she gets the job done…

Yeah, this year I decided to give the sci-fi scions of my life a little break and go with another of my loves for my holiday card…CSI. I considered using Nick Stokes, since his name was the most appropriate for this particular holiday (St. Nicky)…but I had to go with my favorite: the dark, damaged, dentally diastemic one. Besides, if anyone needs a little holiday cheer in their lives, I think Sara Sidle comes at the top of that list. Plus, she wears that Santa hat well, no?

And, of course, I wish you all the merriest of holidays, whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or the Blessed Solstice. And I thank you. This has been a year of slippery slopes for me, but I have found solace and unexpected smiles from so many of you. I know I kid about having “ImagiFriends^TM,” but the truth is…you are my friends. I just haven’t met some of you IRL…yet. You have made my days brighter, my laughter stronger, and my mind filthier (you know which ones of you I’m talking about…).

Enough sentimentality. Break out the rum and let’s get this investigation under way! I’ll be over here, helping to print the reindeer…

“They’re coming to get you, Beverly…”

That would have been an interesting take on the whole Night of the Living Dead story, eh? Or what if both Crushers turned into brain-slurping zombies? We’ve already witnessed Dr. Crusher consuming Commander Riker’s brain through a straw, so obviously she’s got a bit of those dirty, dirty zombie cravings going on inside. And Wesley is her son…it’s just a matter of time before genetics caught up with him…

Of course, there already is an unofficial “Trek” take on this movie, thanks to Tom Savini’s 1990 remake of Romero’s original zombie tale. The remake stars Tony Todd, most famous to Trek fans as Worf’s brother Kurn (as well as famous to horror movie fans as the Candyman himself), and Patricia Tallman who…wait for it, denizens…was Gates McFadden’s stunt double. Remember the scene in Generations when Data pushes Dr. Crusher off the side of the sailing ship on the holodeck? That was Patricia Tallman going over the side. She was also McFadden’s double during the series run. She also doubled Nana Visitor, Michelle Forbes, Gwynyth Walsh, Louise Fletcher…let’s just say she doubled a lot of the Trek actresses. She also appeared as various characters throughout the run of TNG, DS9, and Voyager.

I very rarely say nice things about remakes, but I do have a soft spot in my heart for Savini’s NOTLD remake, mostly for the Trek influence but also because it’s a gooey, fun take on Romero’s original. Is it better in color than in black and white? That’s up for debate, I suppose. Is it better with Candyman and the Trek Stunt Actress Supreme? Uh. Yeah.

Oh, and because I know you want to see this, here’s what the official Night of the Living Crushers T-shirt design would look like. You know, this is the second Doctober posting that I wouldn’t mind seeing on a T-shirt…

You ever re-watch a show after you’ve watched a different show, and you have this weird epiphany about how Character A from Show A looks eerily like Character B from Show B?

Have I completely lost you all? Wait…I promise this will make sense in a minute (and I mean “sense” in the loosest, Loba-iest meaning of the word).

So I’m watching/re-watching Twin Peaks right now. I put it this way because I admittedly didn’t finish watching it the first time it was on television. It came out when I was 13 and I really couldn’t be asked to follow something that bizarre and intricate when my biggest concerns were turning in my homework on time, not blowing up the science lab because of my wonky math skills, and not getting an in-school suspension because my skirt didn’t touch the floor when I got down on my knees.

(You think I’m kidding about that last part. Sadly, I’m not. And, sadly, I did get an in-school suspension around this time for this precise reason.)

Yeah, so Twin Peaks. I’m really digging it this time around in ways similar to how I hated Mulholland Drive the first time I saw it but now love it and think it’s one of the most awesome movies Lynch has ever made. But something that struck me as totally bizarre and completely amusing during this viewing is the fact that Nadine Hurley and Beverly Crusher could be twins.

Not like creepy The Shining twins. Actually…

Okay, no. That’s just too creepy.

However, look at this:

Okay? Now, look at this:

See what I mean? The only thing that really throws me off is that Nadine is way shorter than Dr. Crusher is. Other than that, these two are like sisters from another mister…only, you know, separated by about 400 years. And played by completely different actresses.

Whatever. All I know is that this makes me want to add an eye patch to every photo of Dr. Crusher I can find. Wouldn’t that have been awesome (even if slightly disturbing that the CMO of the Federation’s flagship would choose an eye patch over an ocular implant)? And there is precedent for cool eye-patchery: Saul Tigh, Snake Plissken, Commander Franky Cook from Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Elle Driver from Kill Bill…and let’s not forget General Chang, the Klingon with the eye patch bolted into his skull. See? Cool and badass.

I think Dr. Crusher would look awesome sporting an eye patch. Don’t you?

Bet you didn’t know that becoming the head of Starfleet Medical was a democratic process, did you? Look at all the fantastic things that Doctober is teaching you, denizens!

Anyway, this is Loba’s non-subtle way of reminding American denizens that a week from today is November 2, which means…time to vote!

(Sadly, however, you won’t be able to vote for Dr. Crusher. Although, if you’d like to use her as a write-in candidate, I can’t tell you not to. Just be sure to take a photo if you do )

I know, I know, politics. Yay. About as enjoyable as trying to give a cat a colonoscopy (there’s a visual I bet you wish you didn’t have in your head right now). But the political process is one that affects us all, even if it’s in subtle ways, every single day. Don’t think that because this isn’t a presidential election year that it isn’t important. In fact, I’d argue that local political issues are in many ways more important, because these are the politicians creating laws and making decisions that will impact you much closer to home.

And why am I saying all this a week before the actual day? To give you all time to start reading up on your local races. Don’t just toe your party’s line. Don’t turn on the television and see who slings the most mud in the most convincing ways. Learn what these people stand for, what they believe, what they want to bring to the table. Make smart decisions. But don’t be apathetic. Don’t shrug and say that you’re just one person. Too many people are doing just that. To paraphrase Edmund Burke, “All that is necessary for the triumph of stupidity is that smart people do nothing.”

So get involved, get informed, get out and vote. That is all.

I’m amazed it took me this long to come up with doing this one. The Silence of the Lambs is, after all, one of my favorite scary movies. And this is the month of Halloween as well as the month of Doctober.

“Tell me, Beverly, have the lambs stopped screaming?”

Could you imagine if someone ever tried to do a Star Trek/bodice ripper romance novel crossover? I wonder what something like that would look like.

Probably something like this…

Yeah, that looks about right to me. And by “right” I mean “Omigod, the horror that has been seen can never be unseen right up until my very last breath.”

I’m still not sure how “Sub Rosa” even made it into the queue of “Viable Options” for TNG scripts, let alone how it actually made it to the screen. Yes, denizens, as much as it pains me to say this, I’m going to have to ping this episode as one of the worst TNG episodes ever made…possibly even one of the worst Trek episodes ever made (although I couldn’t sleep well for a week after watching evolved/devolved Janeway and Paris doing things that captains should never do with their pilots o_O).

The fact that this was probably the one episode from all seven seasons of TNG that dealt the most with Dr. Crusher makes this realization even worse.

This is what I waited seven years for?

Sigh.

I’m not going to review the actual episode. I’m instead going to link you to this review, which pretty much covers the awfulness in a very honest and amusing way (this review is also from where I paraphrased the quote on the “cover” of my trashy novel). I will, of course, note that I do disagree with this reviewer’s supposition that this episode was so craptacular in part because Gates McFadden was lacking in acting ability. As I’ve pointed out in previous posts about her performance in “The Naked Now” and “The Big Goodbye,” I think she was more than capable of handling an episode by herself. Just not this episode. Seriously, I don’t even think Meryl Streep could have made this episode anything less than awful.

The author of the previously linked review describes “Sub Rosa” as “the nadir of Girlie Trek.” I think that’s pretty on-target. This episode offended me on several levels, least of which was the fact that when finally they decide to give Dr. Crusher an episode, it’s one of the least sci-fi and one of the least meaningful episodes ever written for TNG. Honestly, many Trek episodes are nothing more than morality tales (often rather thinly) disguised as science fiction. This one doesn’t even make it that high up the subtlety ladder…unless, of course, the moral of this one is “If a strange green gas starts coming out of a candle toward you, it’s probably best that you don’t let it sex you up.”

I can assure you, denizens, I didn’t need Trek to teach me this lesson.

I’ve asked this question numerous times, but I’ll ask it again here: Would this have ever passed as an episode idea for any of the other CMOs from any of the other shows? Would Dr. McCoy have ever been asked to writhe around on a bed as he’s pleasured by an “anaphasic energy” entity? What about Dr. Bashir? Not seeing it?

Neither am I.

For all its praise as a forward-thinking, progressive show, Trek was staunchly misogynistic in undeniable ways, and episodes like “Sub Rosa” reveal this truth in ugly and demeaning ways. Yes, women were allowed to do more than bring the captain his coffee in TNG, but if this is what you think passes as good sci-fi for women viewers, then perhaps you should head on over to Caprica and see if they need writers.

Meow.

Beyond these issues, the bottom line is, “Sub Rosa” is just bad. What makes this even worse is that it didn’t have to be awful. This could have been a cracking “ghost” story. It also could have been a more thorough examination of all the questions surrounding Dr. Crusher’s past: What happened to her parents? What happened on Arvada II? Why did they recreate Scotland on another planet? Did they recreate Nessie as well? Why is there a pig-face alien running a Scottish colony? Why is Deanna wandering around in the background after she leaves the cemetery with Dr. Crusher? Why was Dr. Crusher’s maiden name Howard when it’s obviously a name from her maternal grandmother? Did her mother not take her father’s last name? How, then, did Beverly get the name Howard? Was it tradition in that family for the husband to take the wife’s name and pass it on their children? Then why didn’t she keep the name Howard? Why is she now a Crusher? Have I made your eyes cross yet?

Again I say, sigh.

So, there you have it denizens: I don’t love everything related to Dr. Crusher. But I don’t hold it against her that we saw way more of her bedroom proclivities than I think any of us ever wanted to see. And she’s still my favorite TNG character.

Oh, one more thing: At least the set designers had a bit of fun on this episode. Check the names on the tombstones behind Ronin:

I love geeky inside jokes.