L o b a B l a n c a {dot} c o m

Didn’t Loba tell you to stop your grandmother from talking about tea bagging?

The number of captions that flooded into my brain when I saw this photo at Pundit Kitchen caused a massive surge and subsequent reboot of my primary sarcasm core. All I could do was laugh until I was literally crying. I’m sure at that point they raised the temperature in my own suite in hell by several degrees.

Yes, that is Cindy McCain. Yes, that Cindy McCain. The one so many (myself included) referred to as John McCain’s Stepford Wife.

I officially take that back.

A major representative from the Republican party, coming out (haha) against California’s Proposition 8 ban on gay marriage? This is HUGE. Even bigger than when Laura Bush stated in a 2006 interview with Faux News that she didn’t think gay marriage should be used as a political tool. She went on to say, “It requires a lot of sensitivity to just talk about the issue – a lot of sensitivity.”

[Okay, is it just me, or did she pretty much sound like she was implying in that statement that her husband obviously wasn't the Mr. Sensitivity in question? I always loved that quote...]

Cindy McCain is not the first in her family to support NOH8. Daughter Meghan posed last summer:

Meghan goes into detail in this article for The Daily Beast about why she posed. Papa John continues to toe the GOP line of marriage equals one man and one woman. I’m guessing family gatherings at the McCains can get pretty testy sometimes.

It’s too bad the Republican party doesn’t really take women seriously. This double strike by the McCain women might have actually done something good. Although, they are both attractive, and Sarah Palin has proven that GOPers will pay attention to a pretty face. Of course, she also proves that no one really pays attention to what that pretty face is saying…

[Yep, still poking that bear...what are you going to do?]

Either way, I have to confess I was absolutely stunned when I saw this photo of Cindy McCain. It takes a lot of courage to stand for your convictions when all those around you are in opposition. She proves there is most definitely truth in the phrase “Those who ignore an angry shout may strain to hear a whisper.”

Cindy, I think your wordless stance is screaming volumes right now. I hope your party is listening.

Your party loses a senate seat that was held by a Democrat for nearly 50 years.

I’m so sick of American politics. We will never accomplish anything great so long as we continue to play these petty games. And I’m pointing at both parties when I say this.

What’s even more frustrating is the fact that we’re so stupid that we’re playing along! Even though we’re the ones who are getting the ass-end of the deal each and every time. Do you really think these politicians care one way or the other? Get real. If they win, they get to play the game. If they lose, there’s plenty of high-paying work waiting for them out there as they bide their time before running again. Or not. Makes no difference to them. It’s not like you’re ever going to see them standing in the median strip with a sign that reads “Will Filibuster for Food.”

No, we’re the ones who suffer. But we’ve been completely anesthetized to reason by stupidity. Ignorant, bloviating talking heads on the television and talk radio, obfuscating the truth with phrases like “Obama Death Panels” and “TEA Baggers.”

Okay, here’s an important message to all those protesters who support the “Taxed Enough Already” crusade. Consider this me doing my Good Samaritan duty for you all: STOP CALLING YOURSELVES TEA BAGGERS.

Do you know what tea bagging is? Do you? If you did, you sure as hell wouldn’t be letting your grandma call herself a Tea Bagger. It’s just WRONG. STOP IT.

When are we going to wake up and realize that true change is brought about with hard work, focus, and determination. Not with silly mantras and cutesy catch phrases. And it’s not going to happen overnight. It’s also not going to happen until we pull our heads out of our asses, block out the divisive external forces (fathead commentators, I’m talking to YOU), and start focusing on what is going to benefit us all as that mythical “one nation, indivisible” that we blather on about in that Pledge of Allegiance we all were made to recite as kids.

[Ugh. Don't even get me started on that...what do 5-year-olds know about allegiance?]

Aren’t any of the rest of you tired of all this bullshit?

Oh, but I poked the bear this time. It’s funny how mention of certain people will bring crazy to the lair like stink brings flies.

Just an FYI: Comments about Sarah Palin bring crazy.

I received a comment through my contact tab that left me feeling a bit…agitated. I’m not going to post it here because most of it was an offensive litany of every type of insult the author could string together in a grammatically offensive way. Call me what you must, but at least do it with linguistic acumen, please.

I will, however, reprint the following line:

Your problem, like most liberal feminazies, is the fact that you hate Sarah Palin because she’s a real REPUBLICAN woman who proves you can balance career, family and faith SUCCESSFULLY.

Okay. Random capitalization issues and the misspelling of the pedantic “Feminazi” comment aside, this sentence includes quite a bit to which I would like to reply (sadly, it also includes several things that I have heard several times before). First, I don’t hate Sarah Palin. I’ll even go so far as to say that I think some of the things she accomplished as mayor of Wasilla and as governor of Alaska greatly benefited her constituents.

Some of the things. Not all. I find many of her political beliefs, statements and actions to be offensive, particularly many of her comments about “real America.” I don’t live in those little “pockets of patriotism” in the middle of the country that Palin prefers to consider more American than those bleeding-heart coastal states. Still, I pay my taxes, I obey the laws, and I enjoy my freedoms, including the ones that allow me to critically analyze what I hear…especially from those with aspirations of leading this country.

So when I hear a politician say things like that, that ostracize large swaths of the country, my spidey senses tingle. You can’t lead a country if you discredit and dismiss those parts that don’t conform to your somewhat limited ideals. And that, I think is a cornerstone of my dislike of Palin: her dismissive attitude toward things that she cannot or does not want to understand. Couple that with her ersatz folksiness and it’s a combination destined to piss me off.

And, no, I am not charmed by her “geegollygoshdarnyoubetcha” wink/wink public persona. It’s something suitable for a local sportscaster-cum-beauty-queen. It’s not suitable for someone who wanted to be a heartbeat away from the presidency. I suppose this is where I reveal myself to still be quite the erudite liberal, but I expect a certain degree of intelligence and decorum from my political leaders. I don’t buy into the idea that my representatives need to be plain-speakin’ folk I want to go hunting and drinking with.

These are people who are representing us not only on the national but on the global stage. I think that’s something that many Republicans miss. It’s not just us here. Our political leaders need to be able to interact with representatives from around the world, with intelligence, with understanding, with diplomacy…not with a fucking wink and a “You Betcha.”

As for the “faith” part of Palin’s masterful balancing act? I question any politician who allows their religious beliefs to color decisions they make that will impact the lives of constituents who may not live according to those same religious dictates. And I’m willing to bet every last penny in my bank account that the author of this comment would feel the same way if the religion in question was anything other than the religion they follow.

Religion is a personal choice that belongs in politics about as much as chili paste belongs in hemorrhoid cream. And if you make or support any legislation simply because of your personal religious choices, you don’t belong in politics.

All of this is a moot point anyway. Palin is out of politics, and I think that her decision to join forces with Fox News has pretty much nailed shut any option of returning to the political arena. Someone serious about a future run at the White House would probably right now be focusing inward, taking stock and improving their grasp of events and information that impacts us all on local, national, and global levels in an effort to balance out their lack of experience. Are we seeing that here? Oh no, you betcha we’re not. She’s a fame seeker, desperately latching on to anything that will keep her in the spotlight until the last vestiges of life have been drained from her seemingly interminable 15 minutes of fame.

I still don’t understand the Palin phenomenon, although I must confess that I strongly believe that she would have long ago faded into the ether if it weren’t for the fact that she’s just so darn cute. It’s the flip side of Hillary Clinton’s campaign experiences. I would describe Clinton as knowledgeable, experienced, articulate, and sensible. The media described her as having cankles. As looking frumpy in her suits. As “who wants to watch her age for the next 4 to 8 years.”

Flip the coin and you’ve got Palin, with her implications that only pampered, privileged people do things like get passports, or her attempts at solidifying her foreign policy experience by citing that she was governor of a state that rested between Russia and Canada. Because, you know, those wacky Canadians are always looking to invade Alaska and steal their polar bears.

But people took her seriously when she said these things. They took her seriously even when she failed to know why there was a North and a South Korea or when she didn’t know what was meant by “Bush Doctrine.” Uh, that’s your boy there, Sarah. Shouldn’t you kind of have an idea about what you’re campaigning to inherit? They took her seriously when she couldn’t even name a specific vote or law or action from John McCain’s political career that supported her overuse of the word “Maverick.” I swear, she used that word so many times, she almost ruined my love for Top Gun. And that really would have pissed me off.

But she looked GREAT each and every time.

Again, it’s all about celebrity and celebreality. We’re far more interested in pretty than substantive. And, yes, before you even say anything, I consider Obama to be another prime example of this phenomenon. Was he the most qualified Democratic candidate? Nope. Was he the best dressed and the most dapper? Oh, you betcha. “Brains before beauty” is so last millennium.

So, there you go. I have nothing else to say on the matter. I wonder if my commenter will feel the same…or if I’ve just poked the bear even more.

I was looking at a recent photo of “The Governator,” when something quite troubling struck me: When did Arnold Schwarzenegger start looking like Ronald Reagan?

Okay, so the above image has been given a little…assistance from me in proving my point. But I dare you to tell me all the places where Ahnold begins and Ronald ends. I know that both are former actors-cum-governors of the great state of KAHLEEfornia…but this is a bit ridiculous.

Of course, you could call me out on my hypocrisy right now, since it does seem that I’m poking fun at Arnold for looking like the 62-year-old man that he is. I am the one, after all, who railed against Mary McDonnell for all the plastic surgery she got while starring on BSG.

If it seems that I am being hypocritical, I do apologize. I think I’m more fascinated by the fact that Schwarzenegger has been cut off from the rest of his plastic Hollywood herd by his gubernatorial endeavors. Running California into the ground doesn’t leave much recuperation time for vanity stops with the plastic surgeon like the ones he used to make (or is there anyone out there who believes that his jaw shrank and shaped itself naturally?). So I admit that a part of me admires him for believing so much in his political objectives that he would leave behind his vanity. Part of me, though, wonders how difficult it must be for a man who once based his entire career on his looks and his muscles to have to actually look his age while all his counterparts move forward to their fifth, sixth, and seventh faces.

Ahnold’s political service will come to an end in January 2011, unless he plans to run for a congressional seat. There will be no “Presidenator” in his future, however, thanks to that messy Constitutional amendment about needing to be American-born.

I can’t help but wonder if, on January 21, 2011, there’s going to be a hot time at the old plastic surgeon’s that night. True, Maria’s been keeping the family sawbones busy with her slow transformation into Skeletor, but I suspect that the doctor is champing at the bit in anticipation of Ahnold returning with a valiant, “Come on! Do it! Do it! Come on! Peel me! I’m here!”

Okay, that was a lame ending that only Predator fans will follow. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to end it with some reference to “I’ll be back.” Again, sorry. Just look at the image again and think happy Ahnold thoughts.

Hey, check this out:

What you’re looking at is the satellite image from Google Earth of the Naval Observatory here in Washington, D.C. Why am I showing you this? Because it’s the first time that I’ve checked out the Observatory since Obama came into office. Which means it’s the first time I’ve seen more than the equivalent of this:

I know it’s not that bad from this height, but when you tried to zoom in for a closer look, it all just went to hell in a messy, pixelated hand basket (and I’m a big dork when it comes to resolution issues in images). Why the blurry secrecy? The Naval Observatory is where the Vice President of the United States of America lives.

Ah…I bet you’re seeing this picture way more clearly now, aren’t you?

That’s right. Dick Cheney somehow pulled enough heft that even though we could clearly see the White House in satellite images (of course, the roof was blurred back then), we couldn’t see his house. Here’s a lovely explanation from Maureen Dowd:

The vice president, who believes in unwarranted, unlimited snooping, is so pathologically secretive that if you use Google Earth’s database to see his official residence, the view is scrambled and obscured. You can view satellite photos of the White House, the Pentagon and the Capitol – but not of the Lord of the Underworld’s lair.

Ding dong, the lord is gone. So now we can see a fairly clear image of what is now Joe Biden’s residence. I know it’s a silly trifle of a change, but for some reason it made me happy. I’m such a Google Earth geek anyway. Hours of my life can disappear in the blink of an eye when I get into this program. So it’s always been a personal irritation that I could never see this one little blip on the map.

If you’d like to share my joy, swoop on in to 38˚ 55’15.34″ N and 77˚ 03’56.73″ W in Google Earth (I think I got that right).

Know what makes me tired? How so many recent events have proven that we are a society trapped in a downward spiral of uncontrolled rudeness and stupidity. What am I talking about? Why, what everyone else is talking about, of course: Joe, Kanye, and Serena, oh my!

We start out with Rep. Joe Wilson’s outburst during Obama’s address to Congress. It was disrespectful, yes. Then again, so were the Democrats who booed George W. Bush during his State of the Union address in, I believe, 2005. Wilson, however, is also being labeled racist. (Those booing Democrats, in case you’re wondering, were never labeled moronists.)

I’ve gone over this one before, but apparently I’m screaming into the wind yet again. Now even former presidents are getting in on the racism tagging. To Obama’s credit, he refuses to take this tired, stale bait. Perhaps because he realizes that this is simply another smokescreen to detract our attention away from an honest debate about important issues. Kind of on the same level as death panels and tea baggers (yes, please giggle if you must at that one).

That’s what Republicans are guilty of at this juncture: not being blatantly racist. No, their specialty is fearmongering as a smokescreen to deflect attention from real issues. How do you think they convinced half the country to re-elect Dubya even though he didn’t have enough qualifications to be elected school crossing guard? Fear. “If you don’t vote for George W. Bush, the gay terrorists will invade and turn all your children into gym teachers and nancy boys! And they’ll do a FABULOUS job of it!”

Same difference now. “Obama’s health plan will mean Great Aunt Myrtle will have to be put to sleep because she’s too old! Obama’s going to personally euthanize her! Then he’s going to turn her into Soylent Green and serve her to the unemployed!”

Okay, that last part was a bit over the top…but so are the death panels. What purpose does this kind of panic serve beyond the obvious of detracting from intelligent discourse? Yeah, like we’re capable of such a thing in this country.

Actually, though, I’m derailing myself. I’m not here to talk more about the universal health care issue or all the other political piffle that’s been irritating me. It’s too early in the day to get my blood pressure that high. No, because now we move from Joe Wilson to Kanye West. I don’t want to say much about him, because he’s really not worth a lot of commentary. I’m simply acknowledging that he was a big douchewanger…yet again. But then there’s Serena Williams threatening to cram a “fucking ball” down someone’s “fucking throat.”

All righty then. Women, we still don’t make the same pay for doing the same work as a guy, but we’re now able to throw tantrums in the sports world, like the big boys do! Just like Mary Tyler Moore, looks like we’ve made it after all!

Now, of course, all three of these hotheads have apologized. It took Serena a little longer, but she finally came around (after much pushing from her agent and others within her financial inner circle, I’m sure; we mustn’t tarnish ourselves too much or the money won’t keep rolling in). And now all will be forgiven (well, at least for Kanye and Serena; Joe’s going to keep getting dragged through the racist ringer a bit longer).

But why should we accept their apologies? Better yet, why should we tolerate this kind of behavior at all? Why shouldn’t Joe Wilson be censured? Hell, why weren’t the booing Jackasses..er, Democrats from 2005 censured? It’s the State of the Union, not a pep rally! Why shouldn’t Serena Williams be told she’s out the rest of the tennis season? Yeah, she was fined. $10,000. Wow. That’s pretty much the equivalent of fining one of us mere mortals a dime.

(Why am I not trying to punish Kanye? I think he’s punishment enough, both to himself and to anyone who listens to his music.)

Why am I bothering to rant about this, as if what I say here is going to make any difference? Will Serena read this and realize the error of her ways? Will Kanye tweet me his apology for being a wanker yet again on national television? Will Joe Wilson care that a Democrat outside his jurisdiction is commenting on him? Why should he? He’s raised more than a million dollars thanks to his outburst. And Kanye got me to talk about him (because Lord knows I sure wasn’t talking about his music). And Serena? Hell, she earned $350,000 just for getting to that match where she had her little meltdown. She’s a winner no matter what the score, if you ask me.

Which, of course, no one did. But I shared anyway, because that’s the kind of wolf I am. Now it’s back to work. I promise I won’t try to shove my mouse down anyone’s throat, although if you’d like to pay me $350,000, I’ll see what I can do. I do have that infamous red-haired temper working in my favor…

You know the old adage, “anyone can be offended if they’re looking hard enough”? So there’s this poster floating around out in Los Angeles of Barack Obama as The Joker. In case you’ve missed it, here you go:

Not a bad piece of PhotoShop work, no? Seems, though, that there are those out there who want to turn this into something racist. The Washington Post even dedicated an entire article to an attempt to make this into a valid argument.

Really? Way to help hammer in those final nails into journalism’s coffin, guys.

We get it. President Obama is half-Black. Why does this have to mean that every comment or criticism directed toward his presidency must stem from racism? Is this how we’re going to spend the next 4-8 years? Having to listen to droning, dimwitted pundits and witless op-ed dolts who want to ignore the chance at greater political commentary because obviously every criticism has to really be because he’s half-Black?

You know, back in my Angry Blogger^TM days, I turned Bush into the Joker, too. Don’t believe me? Check it out:

I also turned Condoleeza Rice into Catwoman. Wait a minute! Obviously, this is a racist comment about her being Black…you know, because black cats are unlucky, so obviously I was implying that she’s unlucky because she’s Black. Gott in Himmel! My eyes are opened and I see that I, too, am a blatant racist! Where must I go to confess my sins?

Yeah.

How sad is it that I’ve been sat here for about 10 minutes, giggling over this:

In case you don’t have the same horribly dirty mind that your humble hostess has, it’s the trackback link that’s left me laughing: “YOU ARE IN: Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

See, now I’m laughing while typing this. As much as I love Hillary, I don’t want to be quite that close. Besides, shouldn’t I at least buy her dinner first?

Dirty minds aside, if you all missed Secretary Clinton’s appearance this past Sunday on Meet the Press, then here is the transcript from her appearance. Thank you to A2, both for supplying the link and the laugh.

Marion Barry: Mayor Criminal for Life

If you haven’t already heard, Marion Barry was arrested. Again. This time it was for stalking his ex-girlfriend. Apparently, it’s another “bitch set me up” situation. It’s gotta be, because we all know that Mr. Barry is a very innocent man. Yeah.

Marion Barry is an offense to even the smarmiest of politicians (and god knows there’s never a dearth of those). Actually, he’s an offense to the smarmiest of any sub-category of human beings. He evinces a blatant disregard for any type of law, whether it be the law of “don’t smoke crack in a hotel room with an ex-girlfriend, especially when you’re the mayor of the nation’s capital city,” or the law of “if you’re going to insist on remaining in the very public political arena, you might want to pay your fucking taxes,” or even the law of “when you’re on probation for another crime, you might want to avoid testing positive for cocaine.”

Of course, this latest bust is still quite the mystery. It might actually turn out that Mr. Barry is innocent (just like all the other times). Right. Regardless of how this latest situation plays out, it doesn’t change the fact that Barry is an ass clown of the highest order, which is saying a lot when you consider the political company he has had throughout his career. He repeatedly pisses into the eyes of justice, decency, logic, and decorum with his arrogance and blatant disregard of the law. Yet he never goes away. Kind of like herpes.

I’d like to make lighter of this latest bust than I have, but I’m sick of Barry and his criminal insistence. He’s a man who could have been an amazing role model for his community and his constituents. Instead, he chooses to be the best repeat offender he can be. Way to make it into the history books, Mr. Barry.