L o b a B l a n c a {dot} c o m

You know the old adage, “anyone can be offended if they’re looking hard enough”? So there’s this poster floating around out in Los Angeles of Barack Obama as The Joker. In case you’ve missed it, here you go:

Not a bad piece of PhotoShop work, no? Seems, though, that there are those out there who want to turn this into something racist. The Washington Post even dedicated an entire article to an attempt to make this into a valid argument.

Really? Way to help hammer in those final nails into journalism’s coffin, guys.

We get it. President Obama is half-Black. Why does this have to mean that every comment or criticism directed toward his presidency must stem from racism? Is this how we’re going to spend the next 4-8 years? Having to listen to droning, dimwitted pundits and witless op-ed dolts who want to ignore the chance at greater political commentary because obviously every criticism has to really be because he’s half-Black?

You know, back in my Angry Blogger^TM days, I turned Bush into the Joker, too. Don’t believe me? Check it out:

I also turned Condoleeza Rice into Catwoman. Wait a minute! Obviously, this is a racist comment about her being Black…you know, because black cats are unlucky, so obviously I was implying that she’s unlucky because she’s Black. Gott in Himmel! My eyes are opened and I see that I, too, am a blatant racist! Where must I go to confess my sins?

Yeah.

When my parents moved to the Tarheel State a few years ago, they ended up with a house with a security system. My dad decided to keep the system activated. Part of the system included a little key fob, kind of like the alarm remote that comes with most cars.

One evening while my parents were sitting in their living room, watching television, there was a rather authoritative knock at their front door. My dad opened the door to a local sheriff’s deputy, who proceeded to ask my dad for photo identification indicating that he was the property’s resident and to inform my dad that he needed to check the premises.

See, it seems that while my dad was sitting in his recliner, he shifted his weight onto the alarm fob in his pocket and accidentally activated the silent alarm. Even when something like that is an accident, police are required to confirm that the people on the property when they arrive are who they say they are and that they actually belong on the property (how effective would cops be, after all, if they’d interrupted a robbery in progress but just left because the robber told them that he lived there?). It’s also SOP for the police to then confirm that the residents of the property are not being held by an actual robber and being forced to send the police away. Again, something else that makes sense.

* Not subject to change based on race, regardless of popular (or presidential) opinion.

My dad is White. I’m still positive enough to place good money on the fact that had my dad’s response been to become indignant and start talking smack about the deputy’s mother, he would have ended up cuffed and in the back of the deputy’s cruiser, not necessarily for being a rude SOB, but for preventing the deputy from doing what he was supposed to do.

And, yes, I understand the racial divide in this country. I’m actually even aware of it from the opposite side of the argument, as I grew up a minority in a predominantly Black city in a predominantly Black county. Racism just as easily flows from Black to White as it does from White to Black. I can also inform you that, yes, the word “honkey” is used outside of movies, and it is a suitable insult, both alone and when combined with other derogatory names aimed at one’s gender. So, do my experiences grant me permission to make assumptions about all Black people based on unfortunate run-ins I had while growing up? Wouldn’t that be “acting stupidly”?

I’d be interested in President Obama’s take on this question, since he deems it appropriate to provide his feedback on these matters. For the record, Mr. President, when you send my invitation to the White House, I prefer Guinness. I can even teach you how to pour a proper Black and Tan if you’d like me to. Just don’t call me honkey. I really don’t like it. Cracker, however, is acceptable, but only after the first beer.

No, I don't think you know what I want for Father's Day this year...

So maybe you didn’t hear that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford went a little AWOL for a while. He just ambled away one day and didn’t tell anyone where he was going. He kind of mentioned that he was thinking about hiking the Appalachian Trail, so his staffers assumed that this was what he was doing. They even sent out a press release indicating that this was indeed where he was.

SIKE. Just playing. He was really in Argentina. Schtooping his mistress.

That’s right, you’ve read correctly: GOP Governor Mark Sanford— devoted GOP politician, loving husband, and father of four—abandoned his gubernatorial and familial duties without telling anyone where he was going so that he could bounce his mistress in Argentina ON FATHER’S DAY WEEKEND.

Sanford was another rising star that the GOP were hoping would have presidential potential. You know, along with Senator John Ensign. I told you all about Ensign, right? Yeah.

I love the GOP. They’re so delightfully and offensively hypocritical.

The phrase “hate crime” has always made me uncomfortable in a very Orwellian way, and the feeling has returned in full force in light of the recent events at the Holocaust Museum. Hate is not a crime. Hate, like love or fear or anger, is an emotional response. Hate cannot be policed. Hate cannot be arrested. Hate cannot be punished by the law.

Oh but wait. It can be. In fact, there are several documented instances in which those accused of hate crimes have received stronger punishments than those who have committed comparable “non-hate” crimes. What I do not understand is this: Are not all criminal acts driven by some kind of emotional urge? Lust for money, lust for power, lust for control, crime of passion, crime of regret, crime of greed, crime of hate. How is murdering your neighbor because you hate him for being Black any different than murdering your neighbor because you hate him for having a Lexus and a Rolex? How is raping the woman at the bar who refused to dance with you because she is gay any different than raping the woman at the bar who wouldn’t talk to you even though she was dressed “provocatively”? Isn’t the end result the same in both scenarios? One crime was committed under the emotion of hate, the other under the emotion of greed and/or lust. Should one receive a sterner punishment than the other?

I think it is incendiary and intolerable to allow any government entity to label an emotion as a crime. This is as close to the Thought Police as we have ever come in this country…and that’s saying a lot considering who our last president was. Policing who we hate is as dangerous as policing who we love. Hate is not the crime. The action inspired by hate is what should be policed. But how is the policing of a premeditated “hate crime” any different from the policing of any other premeditated crime? It’s not, and it shouldn’t be. As disdainful as groups like the Ku Klux Klan or the Aryan Nation are, they are protected under the First Amendment. Their hatred is bilious and corrosive to their members…but what they believe, what they feel is not a crime. It only becomes a crime when they act on it, and only then can the law step in.

Of course, that begs the question, how can we step in before the hatred leads to a criminal act, as it did at the Holocaust Museum. You want to stop “hate” crimes? It’s the same as stopping any crime. Try investing less money into prisons and more into schools. Try spending less time writing bills to police emotions and more time writing bills to increase funding to afterschool programs, accessible housing, improved community facilities, access to suitable employment and the training to perform these jobs. Try spending less time feeding the emotional blood lust and more time feeding the intellect—it’s time to end the reign of the “Just Do It” act without thinking reactions that we’ve bred in this country. Try less time accusing people for what you think they think and more time listening to each other.

The more we spend on eradicating ignorance, the less we’ll need to spend on enforcing these frighteningly Orwellian laws. Because let’s face it: By the time the law has to get involved, it’s too late anyway. The act has been done, the crime committed. It doesn’t matter what emotion was driving the bus off the cliff, the devastation at the bottom of the ravine is the same.

I know, I’m painfully naïve when it comes to these things, right? There’s nothing we can do against any kind of crime other than punish the criminal. Right?

Right?